i have been gone for a very long time.
so much has happened, and i believe you all know about the pandemic that has been currently putting almost everything to a stop.
my university, aware of being in a third world country, has officially put a stop on every activity that requires meetings and internet connection. students were literally told to not think about their acads anymore and focus on our own health and well being for now.
so far, i haven’t heard any concrete plans as to what we’re all supposed to expect as a response to this situation. but to be fair, even the national government’s main plan of action is to police everyone’s comings and goings, making sure people stay inside their houses, buffing up the military instead of the medical field for some reason. basically, their main plan is to wait this out, which isn’t a very ideal plan given the circumstances, if you ask me.
it’s Day 16 of quarantine for students like me who first got the official memo of suspension of classes on March 13, which became our Day 1, and to be honest i’m not having much of a problem so far.
i mean, i’m “stuck” in my dorm, but honestly i don’t feel stuck here. i have the room all to myself, nobody cares what i do with my time, meals are still being cooked and served, and i’m not being a threat to anybody. i don’t really feel like going back to my hometown or going “home” because i feel much safer here.
not everyone shares my thoughts, though. if my estimate is right, almost 4/5 of the students went back to their hometowns or wants to go back but genuinely feels stuck in here because their hometowns are already in total lock down, so they had no choice but to go back here inside the campus.
some said they know the risks of going home and being seen as a threat of being a carrier of the virus to their families, but they said they were willing to take the risk just so they could be in the comfort of their families. i guess, in situations like this, my inability to miss anyone or anything is pretty advantageous.
i was having no problem whatsoever until my cousin messaged me earlier this afternoon asking for a headcount of students who want to go back in our hometown, since our aunt is trying to pull some strings with someone in the capitol to get us home, i guess. i said i didn’t know about the others but i’m pretty okay here. but the other students included my name in the list anyway so i’m not really feeling very chirpy right now.
i’m not quite sure if they fully grasp the concept of a lock down, but as far as i know it’s for preventing possible carriers to enter a certain area, and limiting the possible infected people to stay in that certain area and not be further carriers to others.
Reason number 2: the land area to body count ratio of our home town compared to our university campus is terribly worse, much more is my mother’s house which only has 2 bedrooms and a space outside the bedrooms which is a living room/kitchen/dining area merged in one. now, if i go back there, i will be constantly exposed to 3 other people who are also stuck inside that small space for who knows how long, therefore giving me higher chances to infect or be infected by them.
and even if none of us get the virus, there are very very high chances that my mental health, which i have been working on since the start of this school year, will just go back to trash all over again if i will be sent back “home”.
that’s the thing about home. not everyone finds it with their family.
i don’t feel stuck here in my dorm. i will be willing to be the only one left in here if ever everyone decides to go back to their provinces. but me going back there? being stranded in an almost deserted university campus is nothing compared to my eighteen years staying with my fucked up sorry blood family.
home doesn’t feel like home for people like me, and i’m not going to act as if i want to go home but i just cant because laws blah blah. because i don’t. i don’t want to go home. that place is not my home. it doesn’t feel like home. i’m not going back.
Zee Ro 