
Wednesday Conversations


Together you made my whole world
Although not as united, not as one
You were the sea, he was the sky
The lifelong illusion was the horizon
People ever stared in awe
Little did they know you never really touched
Now, you tried, you did
And all the corners collapsed
Everything is broken
But for the sake of all, I cannot be
I held the sky so the world won’t end
Yet you keep throwing boulders at me
Mortals shall perish as the gods wage war
The Era of Fae shall stand ajar
Yet if there be tragedy of the Heart’s death
Humanity shall be able to take one more breath
Still, to cease, the Heart shall unlock the door
For the Golden Blood to walk on earth once more
When five moons align reminds the Curse of Eros
This be the forewarning for the Wrath of Chaos
The Prophecy
He froze as he watched her fall. She took the hit that was supposed to be his.
There was a pulse of loss that washed over the earth, and everyone felt it. At that moment, the War paused. Everything everywhere fell quiet. The whole world seemed to hold its breath. Except his.
His world was gasping for air, pulse deteriorating. His world was dying.
His feet were the weight of the mountains, and the sky pushed him down on his knees. He reached out his shaking hands, and cradled her in his arms as he would hold a burnt coal with fear of crumbling it into ashes.
Her lashes were as heavy as the ocean, but she held her gaze as her eyes found his. Her hand was ice that rested on his chest, feeling his heart that, although breaking, was still beating. He took her hand in his. The light in her eyes was fading. But at that moment, she glowed.
Her voice was the faintest of whispers and the weakest of breaths. But she spoke. And to him, it was the only sound.
“You lived.”
Her lashes rested on her cheeks. Her hand limped. Her glow dulled and ceased completely. But she died with a smile, the most peaceful there was.
Silence.
For a few breaths, there was nothing.
Then the whole world felt it. The horror, the dread, as the sky crashes down after the soundlessness.
His tears drenched the soil, but he hadn’t noticed. He held her lifeless body against him as he felt in his core something that felt like an old star collapsing.
Pain. Death. Life. Everything, everything was so unbearable he wasn’t even aware he was screaming. And all hell broke lose.
The sky darkened, the earth shook. Thunder roared, and tides crashed against mountains. Wind and storm lashed out a thousand tempests.
Anger. Loss. Guilt. Ruin. The world felt it all. The Legacy of Destruction. The Tragedy of the Son of Chaos.
That day, people thought is was the end. The last day of humanity, the prophesized Armageddon. People trembled in fear, cried and begged for their miserable lives as they prayed to whatever god they believed in.
Little did they know it was the day the gods cowered and fled, ceasing the War. For the Heart has died, and the grievance of Chaos was more than any god or fae could ever survive.
The world, the humanity, was saved—in exchange for his.
So I’ve been reading other people’s blogs. So far, everything I’ve read were all amazingly written—be it about advice or a poem. This platform is so great I can’t believe I just discovered it now. How all these amazing writers are all here and this site is still not very well-known (here in the Philippines, at least. I’m not sure about the other countries) is a mystery to me. Probably because writing is still not seen as a serious work.
Anyway, I’m overwhelmed. Here I am, a newbie blogger in the same platform with all these great ones, and all I ever wanted to begin with was to make myself consume less paper for my journals. Now I’m having followers and viewers liking my posts.
Three, five, six people—to other bloggers these must be pathetic numbers but it always gets my heart racing every time I get notified that one person liked my post. I feel like jumping every time someone follows my blog.
Because all I ever wanted was to write. It’s my way of giving myself hope that if I do it good enough, my life could be as exciting or as interesting or as amazing as those fictional books I read.
Truth be told, I hate it here in Reality. I had one or two experiences falling into depression because, compared to the stories I read, my life was dull and bland and magic-less. I remember my father looking at me while I cried pathetically. “You need to grow up,” he said. “Get your head out of the clouds. Anchor yourself on something that’s real for once.”
But I had nothing in Reality that was strong enough to anchor to. Country was fucked up, innocent people getting killed by the police—the very ones who were supposed to protect us—paid by politicians—the ones who were supposed to lead the country into betterment. School was fucked up, expecting everyone to perform the same even though not everyone was having the same safe and inspiring environment outside the classroom. Family was fucked up, no matter how much everyone pretended it wasn’t.
I didn’t feel safe in the streets, even on daylight. I didn’t feel like I was learning in school. And I didn’t feel like I was at peace at home. So where else could I go?
Books saved me, you know. Books and TV shows, they transported me to other worlds that felt safer and more peaceful than Reality. I never really saw myself in any “20 years from now” vision questions that teachers like to ask, because I never really expected to live that long.
My point is successful bloggers like to say blogging is more than a hobby. That it’s a business where you should think about stuff to write, stuff that your readers would like, and not just whatever you want to write.
And I get it. If you aim to be a successful blogger, you do have to treat this as business, and not just pages in a book. But I started doing this blog with no ambition like that.
So I’m sorry if you had such high hopes for me. My posts might get too personal or too political at times, and you might not even be able to care less since this is all probably happening on the other side of the world from you, and you won’t even know a single name in my post.
I’m sorry, but expect me to be blogging selfishly for now. To save myself, because so far no one has ever made much of an effort to do so (not that I’m blaming anyone since I understand no one is obliged to “save” me).
To be honest, I don’t want to talk about how fucked up everything is. It pulls me closer to Reality. But as long as it has hope to become a story, my story, I will be writing.
Make no mistake, I’m not suicidal anymore (I think). My stress from family and school problems have lessened since I went away for college, and so far the government hasn’t gotten me kidnapped or anything yet. So I guess I’m doing better than before. I just don’t want anyone to worry. Even about my blogging.
I’m not really aiming to be a successful blogger. I’m not aiming to be someone’s competition or anything that ambitious. I just want to be a great storyteller. And for now, that challenge keeps me going.
We’re connected with blood
So we’re connected till death
I’m willing to be there for you
Until my final breath
I’ll listen to your woes
Putting my own aside
Even though you’r supposed to lead me,
If you need me, I’ll guide
I’ll wipe your tears away
And shield you from the rain
But don’t you ever tell me
That I know nothing of pain
I was there to see your open wounds
I was there when you got yourself hurt
I was there to see the both of you crumble
Shaking, beaten, and bleeding on the dirt
I was there watching you being destroyed
I was there watching him destroy himself
And I hug my masks to help you
Because you can’t see me destroy myself
Sammael knew he was in the right place when an old man by the side of the road told him to leave before sundown.
His eyes locked on the dimming sky, he braced for the rush of unease and doubt. But as he watched the sun disappear behind the mountain, leaving the sky with not even the stars to spare, all he felt was the weight of responsibility.
He’d been combing the world for Dark souls for millennia now, but for Sammael, there was no such thing as true Light. He saw Darkness everywhere. They called to him from all corners on Earth. They filled the silence in what masked as tranquility. They screamed from the darkest recesses of his mind. It wasn’t redemption he craved, not really. But if it was the only way to silence the Darkness, he was willing to crawl back to the Light.
He’d been banished for treason. He didn’t side with the Rebels when the First War happened, but he also didn’t side with the Kingdom. Father did not like that, of course. Now he was one of the Fallen.
He leaned on a tree that was standing right in the middle of the cluster of huts. The sky had nothing. Unseen clouds made the sky look like a dark, blank slate.
An old man waddled towards him with a makeshift cane. “You should’ve left the village when I told you to.” Now, that was no threat. San Isidro was barely a village. A group of a hundred people at most behind a mountain, surrounded by trees, and infested by mosquitoes like a good, old medieval fantasy setting. Though there were neither horses nor proper carriages around. All it had were carabaos and some kind of big, low-techie sled thing that even in third world country standards should be outdated.
Actually, now that he thought about it, San Isidro reminded him more of 15th century Egypt—the poorest villages there. Or was that in 5th century? Wait, had Jesus already been born then? Bah, it didn’t matter.
Sammael turned around to see the old man standing a few feet away from him. The old man was even smaller up close, smaller even in Asian standards. A few times eating like kings when a group of unsuspecting tourists came around weren’t enough to banish the specter of malnutrition-due-to-endangerment of their species.
Sammael took a deep sigh. “I don’t even hear any crickets. Is that what you eat when you don’t have humans around?”
The old man snarled, curling back and hissing. Sammael shuddered at the sound of the replying hisses he heard from all directions. He couldn’t even remember what they were called, but he felt Darkness from all of them, and that was all that mattered.
“You are one of them, eh boy? The ones who think they could hunt us all down?” A brusque tone for such a small creature almost made Sammael laugh. It’d been so long since anything was arrogant enough to not cower and run to the other direction when he made his intentions clear.
“Some even thought they could heal us,” the old man cackled. “I thought we’ve had the stupidest ones, until you came riding here alone.”
“You’re right.” Sammael peeled himself from the tree. “They were pretty stupid. We all know there’s only one cure for the likes of you.”
The old man paused. In all his years he’d never heard of an actual cure, because what he and the other villagers had was not an illness. If anything, it was a curse. For what, he had no clue. But all they were doing was surviving, ever since the first drop of blood they had tasted. It wasn’t an abomination. It was the way of life. Humans were not at the top of the food chain as they wanted to believe.
Still, if there was a cure that could make their lives easier to lead—if there was something to free them from the constant hunger and the ever tantalizing satisfaction of feeling good enough for once—he did not want to feel it, but he felt hopeful.
Sammael locked his eyes with the old man’s, and held his hand out to his side.
“Death.”
He swung his arm in a swift arc, and two thuds bounced off the ground. Moonlight reflected from the long crescent blade, where the Dark blood evaporated.
Dark creatures came crawling out of huts, trees, and shadows. Every single one now had long sharp claws, dark scaly skin, and shark teeth. Sammael twirled his scythe as a low tik tik tik tik reverberated from all around him. He spun his scythe above his head until the glow from the blade formed a sort of halo that grew larger and larger as it spun higher and higher. There was now a fiery circle above San Isidro.
Sammael cocked his head slyly. “Any last words?”
The hoard of tiktik—he remembered what they were called now—lunged at him all at once, claws and teeth bared. He slammed his blade down, and the halo dropped onto the small Dark village like a laser screen, incinerating every Dark creature within the radius.
The old man might’ve been right about the stupidity of quack doctors, but he also got one thing wrong: Sammael was not there to hunt them down.
He was there to reap them.
Starting today, my goal is to try to be a different person than who I was yesterday. Someone better. Someone who doesn’t get stuck in a certain way of life just because “it’s who I am”.
I will start allowing myself to act a little different than who I thought I was, because as far as I know, that’s the only thing keeping me from being “who I can be”.
Since this blog, ideally, is going to be sort of an online journal where certain ideas and my own personal train of thoughts would be exposed to the public, I might as well put a disclosure before anything else.
“Who are you, sufferer, that speak the truth to one who suffers?”
Io to Prometheus
(Aeschylus)
My name is Dann. I’m nineteen, and I don’t miss people.
I realized this when my older sister spent four years away for college. At that time, she was the one whom I considered emotionally closest to me. So when she left and I didn’t feel anything different, I wondered if I ever felt as close to her as I thought.
Next was when my mom went away to work abroad. She didn’t want to take the job at first, and it was me who convinced her it would be a great opportunity for her—both career-wise and health-wise, since I was very well aware how difficult it was to deal with our family. It cost every one of us our mental and physical health, but my mom most of all. But in the whole two years she was away, I had the same feeling when my sister left: none.
I’m not bitter or misanthropic. It’s not like I don’t love my family. I just don’t really notice much deterioration in my emotional state whenever they’re not with me.
I worry about them—their safety, their health, how sad they must be whenever they miss people and I’m not there to comfort them. Even though I was the one who pushed my mom to take the job, it was also me who insisted she come back home and not sign another contract with her company even though she was planning to do so, because her health was really declining and I realized how much it upsets her being away from us.
I want them to be happy, and I care about them more than anyone I know. But it has never bothered me whenever they’re not around.
I know this can be easily misunderstood by most people, and it bothered me how upset my loved ones were going to be if they ever found out and think I don’t love them. That’s why I brought this “condition” up when I talked to my campus psychologist, and it helped a lot.
She told me there was nothing wrong with me. Although uncommon, it was something few people do experience. She said it was because we find it easy to rationalize emotionally upsetting situations in order to clear our minds from the worrying and anxiety that we deem unnecessary, since we couldn’t do anything about it.
This also explains why I sometimes seem cold or insensitive. It’s because all my life I only choose which reactions I am going to portray based on the emotions I can identify from the person in expecting a reaction. The problem is that I also find it difficult sometimes to identify emotions, that’s why at those moments I would seem slow or unresponsive. One of my friends actually use the term “brain fart” whenever that happens. They’ve just gotten used to me going blank often and on random moments, I guess.
So my psychologist suggested another appointment with me. To work on my emotional intelligence, I don’t know. But since my general goal in social situations is to “act natural” and to seem as normal as possible to attract less attention (more attention means more explanation, means more time wasted that could have been used to more important things. No offense), I decided getting sessions on How To Human from the campus psychologist wasn’t the worst idea there was.
Save your hobbies before they are subtly replaced
The grinning elves are worse than any you’ve ever faced
Remember the dreams you sold your breaths to
Or the earliest memories that didn’t pull through
The sudden drop of mood that make you peek over the void
And the hearty laughs you accidentally destroyed
These little elves, they feed off your disgrace
Save your hobbies before they are subtly replaced
from my list of bad poems
Two days into the year 2020, and the world is already falling into chaos.
excerpt from my journal
Let’s face it, the world was never at peace. Not really. Greed and individuality isn’t exactly the best combination of human characteristics, but here we are.
Even before this year started, numerous horrendous things that can only be done by the stupidity of humans were already happening. Some of the things that immediately come to mind are the wildfires in Australia that has been literally lighting up the entire continent ever since September of last year, the mini-Holocaust happening in China where Muslim Ughiurs are being taken, tortured, and persecuted for their internal organs since 2018, and the Hong Kong protests which have been scary violent since the beginning.
With Greta Thunberg leading the Green Movement, and the official announcement of the impeachment of Trump, people were starting to gain hope as they entered 2020 with a more determined fighting spirit.
And then Trump had to kill this important Iranian fellow, Qasem Soleimani. Three days later Iran has raised their red flag of war, and the human carrot has an 80-million dollar on his head.
Now, why the hell am I even thinking about this when I’m not even American? You see, if this war continues, it wouldn’t be just any war. It would be the third world war, and as a citizen of the country that had been dragged and been fucked up more than once by the wars of bigger countries, I can say with my whole heart that I—and probably all the other people who didn’t kill or threaten anyone to start a war—would like to be excluded from this narrative, thanks very much.
I don’t like this at all. First ever entry to my first ever blog isn’t about mine or my country’s life, but about the potential destruction and probably end of the lives of almost everyone from all over the world.
Scientists have already said that the Australian fires can and probably will speed up the melting of ice caps. Imagine surviving a nuclear war just to drown from the flood that might cause the 6th mass extinction.
I wonder if someone is making an ark already. Probably the elite 1% already have their tickets to their secret Noah’s Ark 2.0. In which case the worst people would be the last ones standing. Or floating lol.
People often say the world isn’t fair, that it wasn’t created equal. I believe it was created equal, and then someone decided they were better than everybody else.
This is the first post on my new blog. I’m just getting this new blog going, so stay tuned for more. Subscribe below to get notified when I post new updates.
photo credits to: https://www.express.co.uk/news/world/1125862/usa-Iran-news-Donald-trump-missile-warship-bombers-middle-east-tensions-nuclear-deal